Your Stories: Facing STDs
Description
When Do You Walk Away
It Is All Facebook’s Fault…
How To Be Single at Your 10 Year Reunion
Are One Night Stands Bad?
The Truth About Free Dating Sites
Writing Good Loveawake.com Emails
Taking it Slow vs Taking it Nowhere
26 Things I’ve Learned About Dating
Being Selfish in A Relationship
Signs of a Douchebag
Rules for a Skype Date
Talking about STDs is never easy. But having the discussion may be necessary not only for your health, but the health of your relationships and family.
Sexually transmitted diseases impact more than just the physical body of the person who contracts one. They impact self-esteem and self-worth, relationships, and can cause stress, anxiety, and sometimes extreme health scares.
We decided to take a look at STDs during the month of March because even though a majority of people will experience some form of a sexually transmitted disease during their lifetime, they are very much stigmatized. This is particularly true for those that “show themselves” – such as genital warts, which come from the most common STD, HPV.
The more that we talk about the reality of STDs, the less stigma that will remain. And the more we are open with ourselves and our partners about these uncomfortable subjects, the more we unearth other issues lurking under the surface.
Here are our two favorite pieces that were submitted for this month’s topic. Thanks to everyone who submitted their story:
An STD Affair
A couple in their mid-forties with two children came to me with some very typical issues at their stage of married life. She wanted to improve their communication and was seeking more attentiveness from her husband. He was working long hours and under much pressure at the office; he was looking for some downtime at home, and less scheduled social activities by his wife.
We began our work on these issues. After several sessions, I received a call from the wife asking for an individual session. In that session, in which she was in tears throughout, she told me about a recent visit to her gynecologist when she learned she had an STD. It had to have been passed on from her husband. She was truly in shock and disbelief and didn’t know how she should proceed with this information.
We determined that it would be best for her to sit down calmly with her husband that evening. She would explain her doctor’s appointment, and allow him to respond and ‘share’ how this could have happened. Much to her surprise, he broke down immediately, crying.
He said that he had been wanting to tell her about an affair and could only assume that that was how she had contracted an STD. The affair was short-lived, three months, and had ended several months before.
He said that he had been wanting to tell her about an affair.
During the next session, and many more, we worked through all the kind of issues that surrounded such an affair. The husband was desperate that this behavior not ruin his marriage and family, and was eager to do whatever would help his wife and his marriage.
He was someone who found it quite difficult to have lived with a lie, and now to live with the emotional and physical pain he had caused his wife. He was truly regretful.
In this case, an STD actually allowed for all the truth to be out on the table, probably more quickly than might otherwise have happened. It forced the couple to deal head-on with the underlying issues of what had occurred in their marriage. They worked for a year in therapy and are one of those fortunate couples who feel that they are now more connected than ever before.
- Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S., LMFT, USA
A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage
Bad News Pap
Since I was 15, I’ve always gone to the doctor for a pap. They all came back normal until one in 2007. This test showed some odd cells, but my husband and I had had sex the day before. I told my doc and he said that would do it.
Photo: morrissey
The following year when I went back for my pap the results were abnormal. They referred me to a gynecologist to do some procedure I’d never heard of and didn’t tell me any thing other than my pap was abnormal.
So my husband and I arrive at the doctor the following week, and she asked if I understood what an abnormal pap smear was. I didn’t. She told me it meant I had HPV – the type that can cause cervical cancer. I started crying hysterically. She asked if there was anything else – like if I’d cheated, I assumed – but I had been with my husband and only husband since fall 2003. All my paps from then until 2008 had been normal. She told me that HPV can lay dormant in your system for years, although it’s not common.
I eventually calmed down and she performed a colposcopy – where a sliver of the cervix is cut off so the cells can be examined to see if there is any evidence of cancer – while my husband held my hand and wiped my tears. I can’t quite describe it, and really, I’ve blotted it out of my memory.
They told me it would take a few days to get the results back and they would call me. The gyno said that she was pretty sure that on a scale of 0 to 10 with 0 being no cancer and 10 being cancer, I would be at a 2 or 3. I remember walking to the car with my husband crying uncontrollably – I hurt, was cramping, bleeding, felt dirty and was confused as to how the fuck this was never noticed. My husband reminded me to wait till I got the results before I jumped to conclusions.
A week late, the office calls. The gyno told me she had my results and she was surprised. Instead of being a 2 or 3 on the “cancer scale” I was a 9! Needless to say I was freaking out. I was devastated. I was scared.
I was then told I needed to get a LEEP, and I decided to go to a different doctor. My husband went with me to the procedure. Basically, they take an electric wire and cut the tip of your cervix off to remove the cancer cells.
If I would have waited even a few months longer to have a pap, I may have fully had cervical cancer.
Luckily novocaine is used before they cauterized my cervix! It really didn’t hurt…until the novocaine wore off. It smelled like burning flesh. My husband made jokes and kept me laughing the whole time. The gynecologist was amazing! This GYN had all my previous paperwork so she was able to know what was going on.
When the results came back, it turned out to be 9.5 on cancer scale. If I would have waited even a few months longer to have a pap, I may have fully had cervical cancer.
Some things I’ve learned since all this shit happened: there are many strains of HPV, types that cause cancer and types that cause warts. Males can carry HPV and not know it, and there are no tests to check males.
I may not be able to have children or carry them to term (luckily I don’t want them). I think I know who gave it to me, but I’m not sure. Condoms don’t protect fully against HPV. And it is much more common than you think to have HPV, unfortunately.
I had to have a pap done ever 6 months until I had 3 in a row that came back normal. This past December 2011 was when I was officially given a letter that I could resume yearly pap smears.
- Michelle, USA
It Is All Facebook’s Fault…
How To Be Single at Your 10 Year Reunion
Are One Night Stands Bad?
The Truth About Free Dating Sites
Writing Good Loveawake.com Emails
Taking it Slow vs Taking it Nowhere
26 Things I’ve Learned About Dating
Being Selfish in A Relationship
Signs of a Douchebag
Rules for a Skype Date
Talking about STDs is never easy. But having the discussion may be necessary not only for your health, but the health of your relationships and family.
Sexually transmitted diseases impact more than just the physical body of the person who contracts one. They impact self-esteem and self-worth, relationships, and can cause stress, anxiety, and sometimes extreme health scares.
We decided to take a look at STDs during the month of March because even though a majority of people will experience some form of a sexually transmitted disease during their lifetime, they are very much stigmatized. This is particularly true for those that “show themselves” – such as genital warts, which come from the most common STD, HPV.
The more that we talk about the reality of STDs, the less stigma that will remain. And the more we are open with ourselves and our partners about these uncomfortable subjects, the more we unearth other issues lurking under the surface.
Here are our two favorite pieces that were submitted for this month’s topic. Thanks to everyone who submitted their story:
An STD Affair
A couple in their mid-forties with two children came to me with some very typical issues at their stage of married life. She wanted to improve their communication and was seeking more attentiveness from her husband. He was working long hours and under much pressure at the office; he was looking for some downtime at home, and less scheduled social activities by his wife.
We began our work on these issues. After several sessions, I received a call from the wife asking for an individual session. In that session, in which she was in tears throughout, she told me about a recent visit to her gynecologist when she learned she had an STD. It had to have been passed on from her husband. She was truly in shock and disbelief and didn’t know how she should proceed with this information.
We determined that it would be best for her to sit down calmly with her husband that evening. She would explain her doctor’s appointment, and allow him to respond and ‘share’ how this could have happened. Much to her surprise, he broke down immediately, crying.
He said that he had been wanting to tell her about an affair and could only assume that that was how she had contracted an STD. The affair was short-lived, three months, and had ended several months before.
He said that he had been wanting to tell her about an affair.
During the next session, and many more, we worked through all the kind of issues that surrounded such an affair. The husband was desperate that this behavior not ruin his marriage and family, and was eager to do whatever would help his wife and his marriage.
He was someone who found it quite difficult to have lived with a lie, and now to live with the emotional and physical pain he had caused his wife. He was truly regretful.
In this case, an STD actually allowed for all the truth to be out on the table, probably more quickly than might otherwise have happened. It forced the couple to deal head-on with the underlying issues of what had occurred in their marriage. They worked for a year in therapy and are one of those fortunate couples who feel that they are now more connected than ever before.
- Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S., LMFT, USA
A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage
Bad News Pap
Since I was 15, I’ve always gone to the doctor for a pap. They all came back normal until one in 2007. This test showed some odd cells, but my husband and I had had sex the day before. I told my doc and he said that would do it.
Photo: morrissey
The following year when I went back for my pap the results were abnormal. They referred me to a gynecologist to do some procedure I’d never heard of and didn’t tell me any thing other than my pap was abnormal.
So my husband and I arrive at the doctor the following week, and she asked if I understood what an abnormal pap smear was. I didn’t. She told me it meant I had HPV – the type that can cause cervical cancer. I started crying hysterically. She asked if there was anything else – like if I’d cheated, I assumed – but I had been with my husband and only husband since fall 2003. All my paps from then until 2008 had been normal. She told me that HPV can lay dormant in your system for years, although it’s not common.
I eventually calmed down and she performed a colposcopy – where a sliver of the cervix is cut off so the cells can be examined to see if there is any evidence of cancer – while my husband held my hand and wiped my tears. I can’t quite describe it, and really, I’ve blotted it out of my memory.
They told me it would take a few days to get the results back and they would call me. The gyno said that she was pretty sure that on a scale of 0 to 10 with 0 being no cancer and 10 being cancer, I would be at a 2 or 3. I remember walking to the car with my husband crying uncontrollably – I hurt, was cramping, bleeding, felt dirty and was confused as to how the fuck this was never noticed. My husband reminded me to wait till I got the results before I jumped to conclusions.
A week late, the office calls. The gyno told me she had my results and she was surprised. Instead of being a 2 or 3 on the “cancer scale” I was a 9! Needless to say I was freaking out. I was devastated. I was scared.
I was then told I needed to get a LEEP, and I decided to go to a different doctor. My husband went with me to the procedure. Basically, they take an electric wire and cut the tip of your cervix off to remove the cancer cells.
If I would have waited even a few months longer to have a pap, I may have fully had cervical cancer.
Luckily novocaine is used before they cauterized my cervix! It really didn’t hurt…until the novocaine wore off. It smelled like burning flesh. My husband made jokes and kept me laughing the whole time. The gynecologist was amazing! This GYN had all my previous paperwork so she was able to know what was going on.
When the results came back, it turned out to be 9.5 on cancer scale. If I would have waited even a few months longer to have a pap, I may have fully had cervical cancer.
Some things I’ve learned since all this shit happened: there are many strains of HPV, types that cause cancer and types that cause warts. Males can carry HPV and not know it, and there are no tests to check males.
I may not be able to have children or carry them to term (luckily I don’t want them). I think I know who gave it to me, but I’m not sure. Condoms don’t protect fully against HPV. And it is much more common than you think to have HPV, unfortunately.
I had to have a pap done ever 6 months until I had 3 in a row that came back normal. This past December 2011 was when I was officially given a letter that I could resume yearly pap smears.
- Michelle, USA
Début de l'événement
22.01.2022
Fin de l'événement
22.01.2022